The BDSM lifestyle isn’t for everyone. It can be hard to understand for outsiders and hard to get into for the interested. It can be confusing and concerning for those who aren’t participants and that can cause strain on relationships. When one person is interested in submission or Domination, and the other isn’t, it can be hard to talk about and harder still to address or overcome. There are a lot of people in this world who find their partner and fall madly in love and enjoy their time with that person. There are also many people who, while happy with most aspects of their relationship, are not satisfied with everything. This isn’t limited to a sexual satisfaction, though that can certainly be part of it.
For some of us, it can take a while to find our true selves and really gain a grasp on what we need to be happy. We might, in the time it takes us to figure out that we need to be a top or a bottom in a BDSM relationship, find love along the way. When we eventually do come to terms with our wants and desires, we may find that our partner, the person we love, is not on board. This is no one’s fault, but if both participants in a relationship can’t participate in the sexual satisfaction of one another, there is going to be a problem. Sexual compatibility is a huge component to a happy, healthy relationship.
So What Do You Do?
What choices do you have when you find yourself in this kind of situation? You can try to get your partner to experiment with your sexual fantasies and hope that they can enjoy them or find some fantasies of their own. The problem with that is, not everyone enjoys the BDSM style of satisfaction. You can’t expect the person you’re with to do things that make them uncomfortable in order to satisfy your own appetite. That’s not fair to them and it won’t be as good for you as it would be with someone who genuinely enjoyed your shared play time. So, if you’re unlucky enough to try and have things not work out, what’s next?
You can be unhappy and leave this person who you’ve created a strong bond with, shared memories with, and fallen in love with. You can give up all of the things you’ve shared and built together. This could break your heart, but will you ever truly be happy with them if you’re always hungry for more? You could stay with them for that connection and be unsatisfied sexually, but what kind of life is that? Will you be tempted to cheat? Will you have to fight every day to stay faithful to them and restrain your impulses? You could stay with them and cheat on them. This seems like the only way to satisfy all of your needs. But what will this do to the bond you share with them? Will it hurt your relationship to scam around BDSM sites like BDSMHookups.com(which, let’s be honest, is a poor excuse for a BDSM site) for some sort of gratification that excludes them?
None of these really seem like good solutions to the situation you’ve found yourself trapped in. There is one other possibility but it, like your needs, is a little out of the box. There is a solution that keeps your relationship intact, satisfies your urges, and is fair to everyone involved. It’s called adultery. Now, you may be thinking that this sounds an awful lot like one of other earlier options; cheating. It is very different. This is not a secret, it’s not hidden, and it doesn’t require anyone to lie. It does, however, require a great deal of strength, love, and understanding.
How It Works
The first step is to admit your problem. Like any addict will tell you, you can’t fix something until your acknowledge that it needs fixed. Once you’ve gathered your courage and found the words to express yourself to your partner, you have to brace yourself for their reaction. If you’ve already talked with your partner about your needs and your partner understood, you’re halfway there. You might have to spend a lot of time explaining why you need more than you’re getting. You might have to answer a lot of questions. You might have to deal with hurt feelings and tears; it’s not easy to hear that you’re not enough for someone. While that’s not entirely what you’re saying, it is what is most likely to be heard right out of the gates. It will take a lot of explaining and tenderness to help your partner get where you’re coming from.
If they can handle it and are willing to indulge in your idea, you start looking for a Dom or a sub to experiment with. For a lot of couples, this is an activity that they go to together, even if it’s not something that both people participate in. The two of you should research good BDSM sites together, find out which ones are legit and which ones are scams. You should search for a partner together. You will want to be honest about the kind of play you’re looking for and the kind of relationship you have as well as the kind of relationship you’re looking from them. By including your life partner in your search for a BDSM partner on these sites, you avoid hurt feelings and feelings of isolation or being scammed; you don’t want your partner to feel like you’re hiding anything from them. Another thing to keep in mind is to read the review of bdsm sites and avoid BDSM dating scam. Choose from the legit sites only.
Once you find a suitable partner, you’ve set up a meeting and set up some parameters for how you’d like this whole thing to pan out, you should have one last discussion with your spouse. You should clarify the activities that you wish to pursue with your outside partner. You should talk about what they should do if they change their mind; give them all the options to shut this down if they decide they can’t handle it. You should discuss where they will be during this session. Do they want to watch? Do they want to meet this person and talk with them before things get started? Do they want to go and sit outside while you play? You also might want to consider if your new adulterous BDSM relationship is going to make them want to explore some new partners of their own.
You should be as understanding and accommodating as possible without compromising yourself. They are taking a huge step here in being supportive of you becoming intimate with another person. The least you can do is try to make it as easy as possible for them. This isn’t unheard of but it doesn’t mean it is right for you. It also doesn’t mean it’s wrong for you. If you’re into BDSM, you should understand unconventional relationships. This shouldn’t be a new concept. This may, in fact, be the only way to preserve the partnership you’ve already started without having to give up part of yourself. It’s not an easy commitment to make. It’s not an easy choice to make. It’s also not an easy thing to ask for. However, if it’s what you want, if you’re not ready to give up on your current love, maybe it’s worth a shot.